A semester gone. A semester back.
I prepared myself for coming back, and knew the culture shock would be worse coming back than it was going to London - I definitely underestimated all of it.
**This is just how I felt over this semester, not saying I don't love being here, the adjustment was just harder than I expected and writing it out seems to help and maybe others can relate**
By the end of my time in London, I was ready to go home. Ready to see my family and friends and celebrate the holidays. For sure. But once the excitement of seeing my family and making sure my dog remembered who I was ended, I was just ready to go to school and see my friends. (Also backing up - the jet lag was WAY worse than it was in London. Passing out at 5pm and wide awake at 3am. hah no thanks.) Being back at Belmont and seeing my friends for the first time in 9 months was probably the best part of coming back. But once the initial catching up was out of the way and the school routine took place, I just wanted to go back to London.
I was living in an apartment with four strangers, the first time I wasn't living with any of my friends. While it was nice to meet the other girls, it definitely made me feel more distant from my friends and I had to set up times to see them rather than them just being around. This was also my first semester taking classes for my new major so I didn't really know anyone in my classes because I wasn't with all the music business people I had been with for two years.
Going from living in a city where you can go do things whenever you want within a ten minute tube ride to living on a small campus where you can't go anywhere without a car and there really isn't much to do in general was a weird adjustment. I felt like I was wasting my time away watching Netflix, that I should not be in bed this early. I didn't have a job this semester and my class schedule was mainly in the mornings which gave me the whole afternoon. The amount of free time I had was no different than it was during freshman and sophomore year, but after having almost no time to watch Netflix in London and always with people doing things if I wasn't in class - coming back to this routine, I felt like I should be doing something.
Pretty much every time I had a chance to sit alone I would find myself scrolling through all my photos. Looking at photos of everyone I met, seeing them post on social media, wishing I had developed closer relationships with people so I could stay in touch with them. Seeing people who go to school together hang out, people visiting others, facetiming, etc - I'm jealous, not going to lie. But making close friends has always been hard for me so it's not a shock. I found myself missing the presence of people I barely even talked to. I would, and still do, look at photos from our trips and it all feels fake. like a dream. like none of it really happened. Every time I watch a movie that takes place in London, or Rome, or wherever and seeing a bunch of places I got to see in person - I sit there wanting to throw a tantrum like a two year old just wishing I could teleport myself back there. [Watching Notting Hill for the first time...was rough).
I think the hardest part about this semester was realizing that there had been four months of events and experiences that my friends weren't a part of, and things that I was not there for in their lives. A constant mix of listening to their conversations completely lost on what was and is going on, and me wanting to tell stories every time something triggers a memory. But after two weeks, I came to notice that no one cares. Everyone asks "OMG how was London?!" but anything you say that is more than 'it was so good' they really have no interest. They try to act like they're interested, but you can just tell. They don't care. I feel annoying every time I talk about people or stories from London, but that is the most interesting and relevant part of my life so far so of course I am going to want to talk about it. Thank the lord for Margaret because I don't know how I would have survived coming back with absolutely no one who understands what I'm saying and actually wants to talk about London.
It's been four months and I still miss it like crazy. Every time my screensaver on my computer starts playing my pictures I get nostalgic. So no, I am not fully adjusted yet - probably never will be to be honest. My second day of classes, going through our names and where we are from - everyone's favorite part of the semester - I heard a girl with a British accent (Evie) and thought to myself 'ahhh I want to be friends with her'. I don't know how she has put up with me for these four months but I am so grateful to have had a little piece of England - I don't care how cheesy it sounds. And now she's going to leave and I'm going to be sad all over again but hey.
If this semester has showed me anything it's that I am 100% going back to London as soon as possible. Having Margaret, Evie, and Delia (who also just returned from London) was the biggest gift of this semester. I cherish the experience, memories I made, and people I met across the pond. I appreciate everyone who has listened to my rants about London and let me show you a million pictures. And if anyone I met over there just happens to be reading this, even if we never talked, I would love to chat and stay in touch with any and all of you because I miss all your faces so much.
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